Archive for October, 2012

How do I get over an abusive relationship, after over- coming child- hood abuse?

Posted under Breaking the Cycle of Abuse by Marcus Pottea on October 30th, 2012 8:06 pm

I am in need of help here. Firstly, I grew up in a very abusive home. I was in and out of Foster Care all of the time, and even became "crown- ward". I dealt with 3 occasions of sexual abuse, severe neglect, physical abuse, emotional abuse. I was so young but took care of my two brothers (at 7, I would made dinner). A lot of times I would go to school with no breakfast, lunch and dinner was "iffy". I was bullied a lot for being in foster care, having lice. I also watched my mother’s addiction issues. We would find her needles, drugs, and see her "friends". I went to about 25 schools up until Grade 5. I was tested in Grade 4 and found to be reading/ writing/ spelling at a college level, but never was skipped as I never stayed long enough at a school. I maintained at straight A status, and still do(4.0). I even went through almost being shot (at 5) having a gun to my face. I have been robbed on numerous occasions, I moved with my father who had abuse issues. I always heard my whole life how "I’m the scum on the bottom of people’s feet", "Loser, bitch, idiot, stupid, etc" from my own parents, as well at school. My father also had addiction issues.I was kicked out at 16, and home- less. I would walk the cold streets (-50), so lonely and at that point I was so depressed, but got out of it. I actually had a 6 month addiction myself. I began using drugs to stay awake, I didn’t have to eat, and it temporarily "numbed" the pain. I quit cold- turkey and ran away from the city I was in, left at 18. I had a scare with police, and my health, and decided to break the cycle.I have never had counseling, and when I met with some, they said I didn’t need help, that I was incredibly strong. THEN, I met my first boyfriend. This is where I have been affected mostly. I met my ex- boyfriend at 19. I gave him my virginity, he was my first boyfriend. He seemed great at first, and the more we got in to the relationship, he would accuse me of cheating. He started cutting of the internet, phone, etc. All I had was a payphone in town while he was at work. He started calling me stupid and would be- little me, call me "scum" and say "you should feel lucky to be living in a nice house like this". Eventually it turned to physical abuse. He would hurt me, then cry and say he was sorry "I have never done that before". I believed him. We did have some fun together, but I just couldn’t take everything he said or did. One time we broke up, and I went back to the house to get my stuff. He cried to me and said "I love you, I want to have a baby with you". So I stayed. I really wanted to have a baby. I love kids so much, and I have a weird strong connection with all kids. (I know I am meant to help children/ teens and families– just can’t go to school yet).I ended up pregnant, and I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!! But then it quickly turned to severe pain, when he cried to me saying "Please you have to have an abortion… if you don’t I’ll kill myself if anything is wrong with the baby". I immediately knew he must have been doing cocaine. I gave up baby, which makes me cry even just thinking about it. I always was so against them. But I didn’t want my baby to be born with something wrong because his "father" cheated and was doing drugs, and didn’t want it to grow up with that kind of father. It is the most PAINFUL thing I’ve experienced. After the abortion I was finding I was so angry at him, and when he tried to become physical with me I was very violent. I would try to just get one punch in, but he was too strong. I just wanted to hurt him once. I gained a bit of weight after, and on my birthday he called me "fat", and had previously asked me "Do you want me to buy you some coke so you can lose weight?" I wasn’t even fat. breaking the cycle of abuse He didn’t understand the impact of an abortion, and neither did I at the time. At that house he ended up spraining my knee, and I fractured my foot. I ended up going out one night and doing drugs, and when he found out he kicked me out. The funny part is, he found the drugs and kept them, but I guarantee he did them after I left.It has been 3 years, and I went to find myself. I traveled the country, learned how to play guitar, I got over him. But then, I was stupid and decided to email him, to maybe meet up, and "be friends". I do not like having conflict between people, and was just looking for a better closure. Very bad mistake. We chatted one day for 5 hours, and his first comment was "Wanna come and be barefoot and pregnant?" Then made like he wanted to get back together, so being the naive girl that I am, I fell for it. We talked, then one day he says how he met some 42 year old lady, and "I’ve pretty much lost hope of having a baby, so it might work. Too bad you weren’t ready I’d give you another shot.
He also said "after 2 days I knew we were not good tograther" (he always spells words wrong on purpose). In fact he was sending me pictures and texts even 2 months later. How do I move on? And why am I being so silly as to even think I love him. I cared about him, but I realise it wasn’t love, he made me think I loved him. Also, I wish I could ruin his life, and expose him for who he really is, but I still don’t want to hurt him, and it’s a waste of time. The only thing I worry about is other woman having to deal with this guy. He’s an electrician, has a good job, just bought a house, boat, etc. (He made sure to tell me all of that.) It wasn’t until I suggested counseling first that he turned it around on me saying it was because of me. How are there guys out there than can fake so well that people believe they are normal, but are such abusers behind closed doors. The funniest thing is, he pretends to be such a "man" but actually went on worker’s comp. because he saw a bug on him and d
I’m not sure how to reply to a specific answer.. breaking the cycle of abuse But yes I have tried counseling years ago, they told me I was fine, and smart. But now I think I could really use it.
Also, I have stayed single for the past 3 years, as I’m afraid of this happening again. It was hard enough for me to be able to trust someone, and I just don’t want to carry on these feelings to the next relationship. "Men" like that should be castrated!!

I feel bad for you :’( have you tried counseling?

Getting a divorce wife setting rules?

Posted under Divorce Tips for Women by Marcus Pottea on October 30th, 2012 8:06 pm

Heres the whole situation help me out my dad is getting a divorce and i moved out about 2 years ago cause me and my step mom got in a horrible fight.Anyhow my dad found out that she is cheating with him with another man in the states.He is filing the divorce papers on terms of misunderstanding. She wants to leave her daughter with my dad another year till she graduates and leave to the states.But she wont sign the divorce papers cause she doesn’t want me moving back in there and she wants to sign herself under the place so she can always move back any tips for my dad what he can do with a woman like that?

I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage & having children is a scary proposition whether you live together or not.

Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women – that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and "the dream" aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source – some great books and other resources on just this issue.

Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children’s lives while being an ATM machine for mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc… and worse – the children.

Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married. I would have given up my dream of having a family.

With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don’t need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don’t have to feel like being married anymore – and with that reality comes the truth – a marriage is no longer a contract, so what’s the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone "doesn’t feel like it anymore?" With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don’t even see it coming), it’s the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children… and that’s a shame.

This affects men, women, and children alike. It affects everyone and people need to wake up to that reality. I know that there are lousy men and lousy fathers in this world – but make no mistake – the are plenty of lousy women and lousy mothers in this world and we should all be treated the same way (good or bad) and that simply isn’t happening today.